Often The Fear of The Unknown Is Much Worse Than The Reality

This was my Facebook status a few weeks ago. I had come to this revelation on my journey to black belt after a class where we were had our eyes closed and were hit by other people. For your non-TKD peeps, don't gasp, we were all sufficiently padded with protective gear.

After that exercise I realized that I have wasted so much time and energy in my life worrying and being afraid of what is going to happen. Not just with TKD, but with my career and countless other things.

I strongly believe in being prepared. However, I now realize that the energy spent on being afraid is better used somewhere more constructively.

I know that I have internalized this lesson as I head into Power Weekend. Yes, I'm a little nervous, but I'm mostly excited. I done being afraid. what will be will be, what will happen, will happen. I know that I'm prepared. Don't get me wrong. I know it will be challenging and that I will be pushed past what I think is possible. I may cry, I may puke and I may want to quit, but I won't. I know that I've worked hard and I've been given the tools by my instructors. If they didn't think I was ready, I wouldn't be here. They, along with my teammates and friends believe in me. It's about time that I believe into myself.

We've been told that Power Weekend changes you for the better. I'm curios to see that change. See you all on the flip side. Thanks for all of your love and support. I couldn't have, nor would I have wanted to do it without you.

Living the Pledge and the Principles

As a white belt you struggle to learn and remember the Student Pledge and the Principles of Black Belt. It is not until you are much further along in your martial arts training that you start to really understand what they mean and the impact that they have on your life.

 

“I intend to develop myself in a positive manner…” was a big shift for me. I am a glass is half empty kind of girl by nature. My martial arts training has changed that in so many ways. I am a happier, healthier person.

 

“Perseverance” is the principle that I have had to work on the most. It was hard for me to change my habits. It was a challenge to get up early and train when most of the world was sleeping. I hated telling my friends that I could not do this or go there because I had to train in the morning. I often wondered if it was all worth it. I no longer wonder. I know it is worth it.

 

The true test that I have learned is to truly live the pledge and principles came a few weeks ago. Unfortunately I suffered two separate injuries three weeks prior to Power Weekend. Initially I was devastated. However, through perseverance and by remaining positive, I believe I will be ready for the challenge ahead of me.

Two years ago I thought that achieving a black belt was the end. Now, as I approach that goal, I now realize that my journey has just begun.

 

There Is No “I” in Team or in Taekwondo

Before DeSantos Martial Arts, it never occurred to me that TKD would be a team sport. Some people can do it alone. I could not - and still cannot. TKD is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. Just as KJN changed my life, so have Sir Sean, Ma’am Toni, Sir Ian, Lyne, JP, Sandy, Shidoshi, the Boyles and the Fallers as well as Tom and David.

Sir Sean has pushed me well beyond what I thought were my physical and mental limits. Whenever I think I just do not have that one more burpee or cannot make it up that hill one more time, I hear him reminding me that it is more mental than physical. His lessons, as well as KJN’s, have helped me change how I perceive myself.

Ma’am Toni, Sir Ian, JP and Sandy, have always been available whenever I have needed help. Their patience and kindness is something that I endeavour to emulate.

Lyne volunteered to run with me last fall when she knew that I was struggling with the Saturday morning runs. She got out of bed early to spend it with me when she did not have to. After all, this was my black belt cycle not hers. She had already had to get up early last year. On top of that, we trained during the week as well. I have been very lucky and blessed to have had her support, friendship and advice as I travel this path.

Shidoshi has encouraged me to be calm, to focus and to breathe. I often forget to breathe.

Elizabeth and Ray, my partners in crime, or as I often say, my fellow old folks, have been there with me from the beginning. I started TKD a few months after they did. From the beginning they have taken me under their wings. I could not have imagined embarking on this adventure without them. Connor, Aaron and Ariana all embody the Principles of Black Belt. You are phenomenal young people.

David and Tom have been there to cheer me on and help me overcome one of my biggest fears. With their encouragement I ran a 5k race even though I was terrified and embarrassed that I would be the last one to cross the finish line. “No one left behind”, is what they told me and they crossed the finish line with me.

Jay has been with me on this journey from that very first, scared step that I took. Without his support and encouragement I may have never walked through the doors of DMAS. We never expected to find the friendships nor the community that we have at the school. For us, TKD and DMAS has become a way of life.

This black belt will not belong to me alone. It belongs to all of you that have helped me get to where I am. I have needed KJN and all of these people, as well as the rest of my team to lift me (ok push me) up to where I am. I still have a long way to go. I'm still the slowest runner, I still struggle with my forms and I still have a lot of weight to loose. However, I know I'm going to get there because I have people that believe in me. You all have taught me to believe in myself. For that, I will be forever in your gratitude.

The Journey Begins

Last fall, at our first Saturday morning training class Sir Sean quoted Lao Tzu “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” My journey to black belt began just over two and a half years and 70 pounds ago. I started taekwondo to loose weight. I have struggled with my weight my entire life despite the fact that I danced until I was midway through university. Once I stopped dancing, I got fatter and fatter. Jason and I had joined a gym and it was good for a while, but then I found it harder and harder to go. I finally came to the realization that I was bored and unmotivated. What drew me to TKD was having a goal to work towards. Achieving belts was tangible for me. That is what I needed to keep me motivated and appealed to my personality.

At my second class I said to Ma'am Toni that my goal was to have my black belt by the time I was 40. I thought seven years, that seemed reasonable. When she told me that if I stuck to the program it would be around three years I think I almost fell off the chair. There was no way that I thought I would be ready that soon. I was so heavy. I was so big that the school did not even have a uniform that would fit me. One had to be special ordered for me. I thought "what have I gotten myself in to."

 

I had that thought again every time I went to class for the first six months. Everyday I had to remind myself what Nietzsche said “What does not kill you will make you stronger.” I was so bad compared to everyone else in class. I could not keep up, I could not jump as high or kick as high or remember any of the forms. I just kept on struggling. I would not sleep for weeks leading up to each grading.

Jay started taking class shortly after Kwan Jan Nim's 20th anniversary party. That was six months after I started. It became easier to go to class when I had someone to go with and because we were doing it as a family.

 

All that time I was (and still am) struggling with my weight. Pardon the pun, but it weighed heavily on me. I was not seeing any results despite my hard work. At my wit’s end I went to KJN for help. We talked for a long time and she offered to train with me in the mornings. We started at 5:00 am on Saturday August 16, 2008. My life has never been the same since.

We started by just walking and talking. Then, after a week or so she kicked it up a notch and the training in earnest began. KJN made me realize that it is not about how high you kick or how fast you can do your forms or with keeping up with everyone else. It is about doing your best and learning to push yourself past what you believe are your limits. It is how you grow and strengthen, both on and off the mat. She has helped me find the self confidence that was once lost.