The Journey Begins

Last fall, at our first Saturday morning training class Sir Sean quoted Lao Tzu “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” My journey to black belt began just over two and a half years and 70 pounds ago. I started taekwondo to loose weight. I have struggled with my weight my entire life despite the fact that I danced until I was midway through university. Once I stopped dancing, I got fatter and fatter. Jason and I had joined a gym and it was good for a while, but then I found it harder and harder to go. I finally came to the realization that I was bored and unmotivated. What drew me to TKD was having a goal to work towards. Achieving belts was tangible for me. That is what I needed to keep me motivated and appealed to my personality.

At my second class I said to Ma'am Toni that my goal was to have my black belt by the time I was 40. I thought seven years, that seemed reasonable. When she told me that if I stuck to the program it would be around three years I think I almost fell off the chair. There was no way that I thought I would be ready that soon. I was so heavy. I was so big that the school did not even have a uniform that would fit me. One had to be special ordered for me. I thought "what have I gotten myself in to."

 

I had that thought again every time I went to class for the first six months. Everyday I had to remind myself what Nietzsche said “What does not kill you will make you stronger.” I was so bad compared to everyone else in class. I could not keep up, I could not jump as high or kick as high or remember any of the forms. I just kept on struggling. I would not sleep for weeks leading up to each grading.

Jay started taking class shortly after Kwan Jan Nim's 20th anniversary party. That was six months after I started. It became easier to go to class when I had someone to go with and because we were doing it as a family.

 

All that time I was (and still am) struggling with my weight. Pardon the pun, but it weighed heavily on me. I was not seeing any results despite my hard work. At my wit’s end I went to KJN for help. We talked for a long time and she offered to train with me in the mornings. We started at 5:00 am on Saturday August 16, 2008. My life has never been the same since.

We started by just walking and talking. Then, after a week or so she kicked it up a notch and the training in earnest began. KJN made me realize that it is not about how high you kick or how fast you can do your forms or with keeping up with everyone else. It is about doing your best and learning to push yourself past what you believe are your limits. It is how you grow and strengthen, both on and off the mat. She has helped me find the self confidence that was once lost.